How do you know if you are actually in love? When we are trying to date in recovery, it can be easy for many of us to mistake co-dependency with falling in love, so here is a simple love quiz to help you decide if they are actually “the one,” or just a really good distraction from yourself and your life.
When you two are together, how do you feel?
A) I am happy, but I am also OK without them.
B) I don’t think I could live without them. I do tend to worry when they are not around.
C) Meh, I am just having fun. I hope they don’t get too attached.
When he/she asks to make plans with you, what’s your first thought?
A) Sure, but I will have to make sure I don’t have any other commitments.
B) Yes! I have plans with my sponsor/sponsee, but I can change them.
C) Yeah, maybe, but I can’t hang out for too long. I have plans later.
When you two argue, what’s your first reaction?
A) I want to work this out, but let I need to process my feelings first and talk to my sponsor.
B) Do whatever you can to make him/her feel better, even if they’re wrong.
C) We don’t really see each other enough to argue.
How do you feel about going to meetings and sitting together?
A) I want to keep my program of recovery separate, so we may go to a meeting with each other here and there.
B) I won’t go to a meeting without them.
C) I only see them late at night.
When hanging out with your friends, how do you behave with the person you are seeing?
A) Casual. We all get along so well, it is just like a big group of friends hanging out.
B) I like a lot of public displays of affection. I get worried if they don’t show it to me when we are around other people.
C) We don’t really hang out with other people.
Does he/she respect you?
A) Yes, we show each other respect and have boundaries.
B) There isn’t a lot of respect in our relationship. It can sometimes feel like a roller-coaster of emotions.
C) He/she doesn’t even respect himself/herself.
Would you change your whole life for him/her?
A) It would take some talking and planning as it would depend on our mutual goals.
B) In a heartbeat.
C) Absolutely not.
Have you told your sponsor about this relationship?
A) Yes, I tell him/her everything.
B) Yes, but sometimes I leave things out.
C) Nah, nothing to really tell.
Does he/she help you be a better person?
A) We both strive to be good people, and we help each other grow.
B) Yes, I wouldn’t be sober without him/her.
C) I feel bad/neutral after I hang out with him/her.
How far do you see this relationship going?
A) I can see a future; we’ll see where it goes.
B) We’re moving really fast, so it must be right.
C) We’re just having a little fun.
Now calculate how many A’s, B’s, and C’s you answered in your love quiz.
A= 20 points
B= 10 points
C= 0 points
Add up your points from the love quiz.
If your total is over 150 from the love quiz, you’re in a healthy relationship. More than likely, you’ve done some work on yourself so you were ready for a healthy partner to enter your life. You and your partner continue to strive to be the best versions of yourselves which is why you feel so comfortable in this relationship. Nothing is better than a healthy relationship, where you both love and support each others’ lives, recovery (while keeping it separate), and ambitions. Good job!
If your total is between 50 and 150 from the love quiz, you might be in a codependent relationship. Codependency is more common than you think, especially among those who have dealt with addiction. Nevertheless, it’s extremely unhealthy for everyone in the situation; meaning, you’re more than likely keeping each other sick. You may want to consider working on yourself and stop trying to “save” your partner, or vise versa.
If your total is under 50 from the love quiz, you may be filling a void. When you’re filling a void, you’re more than likely going to cause harm to yourself or someone else, which can cause some damage for both parties. This may be a good opportunity for your to build your self-esteem and work on yourself instead of worrying about being in a relationship. In the mean time, follow the suggestions and do the work; it’ll all pay off immensely.
It’s Just A Love Quiz
Don’t over-think these results that were provided for you; it’s just a love quiz. But if this love quiz started to make you question if you should be in a relationship or not, it might be a good idea to talk to your sober support, your sponsor, and ultimately talk to your Higher Power about what you should do about it. It’s extremely important to love and respect yourself, and that is an inside job that requires your full attention on your recovery program.Tags: Addiction, codependent, early recovery, Higher Power, love quiz, sponsor, valentine’s day