In a world where you can be anything…be you!
When I first came into recovery I found it really difficult to be myself. I would compare who I was on the inside with who others were on the outside. I would also behave how I thought society wanted me to behave. My mother was very strict growing up and my behavior was either “socially unacceptable” or “not lady like”. I struggled with my identity for years and had built a strong resentment against my mother for not allowing me to think or act outside the box.
As I got older the fear of what others thought of me was even worst. I was terrified that you would think I was unstable, not proper, smart, or perfect. I ended up going so against the grain that I decided to change my dress attire, got piercings, and colored my hair. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was rejecting myself from society before you could.
As I entered college I decided it was once again time for a new look, I thought that trendy might serve me better among all these grown-ups, and for a short period of time, it did. My drinking would catch up to me and soon I would lose any new (or old) identity that I had made up. I was lost and became society’s reject once again. I resented my mother even more. Had she not tried to control me so much, maybe I would have been better at handling life instead of hating myself.
Once I got clean and sober and started working a program of recovery, I began to see that it was never my mother’s fault, it was mine. Anything I do moving forward, I own. My mother was doing what she knew best, she was trying to make me the best woman I could be. What I’ve learned is that some of those lessons she was teaching me were important, but they did not have to completely define me. I could take what worked and leave the rest. I will never be perfect and today that is Okay.
I do not have to fit into society’s bubble either. I treat people with respect and I respect myself, but I do not have to be anyone else but me. That is the really cool part about this world. We are all so very different, and because we are different, we can bring so many wonderful things to the table. I can be entirely me today (both good and flawed) and it does not matter what you think (or what I think you think), because as long as I am being authentic, genuine, and real; then I am living free.
Just For Today Meditation
Just for today I will work towards letting go of the fear of not being perfect or good enough. I will not let what I believe others think of me affect how I act, think, or live. I will not allow my fears to control who I am as a person, because who I am is good enough. I am worth being myself and I will not compromise or hide who I am to try and please others. Today I will work towards the freedom of self and the freedom of the false belief that I need to be someone I am not.Tags: keep calm, meditate, meditation, motivational monday meditation