Spotting a manipulator may actually be harder than one might think. The manipulator (knowingly or unknowingly) is playing a game and you are just one of the many players on the board. You may at first not see all the cards the manipulator has, but at some point you start to see that some things just don’t seem fair in this relationship. You may even question some of the manipulators actions and behaviors, but don’t seem to gain any support from the other players in the game. You may even start to wonder if it’s all in your head. Let’s take a look at the top 5 characteristics of a manipulator to help you see if you are dealing with one or not and what you can do about it.
The Manipulator: 5 Characteristics
The Helper: The manipulator is all too willing to help a friend in need. They also enjoy going around and making sure others know how “helpful” they are. They have tallied up all the times they were helpful so that when they need help, they have the ammo in case you can’t be of service to their needs. They also help a lot of people because it makes them look like a hero and usually fills their ego.
The Passive Aggressive Type: They almost always turn things around on you. If you are upset with an action they may say it is a reaction towards something that you did. The manipulator is good at twisting words and making it seem as if you are the irrational one in an argument. Their passive aggressive behavior is usually very directed at the person they are trying to make a point to, while others will not pick up on the vibe so easily.
The Guilt Giver: The manipulator is really good at making you feel guilty for things you have not even done. They usually give some story as to why you should feel sorry for them and after some misgiving, you cater to them and actually might even believe you are in the wrong.
The Victim: They have no sense of accountability and believe that the world and the people in it have done them wrong. They use this victim role as a means to not only get what they want from others, but so that people will feel sorry for them, and in return the people engaging with the manipulator will have their defenses down.
The Fighter: They are always right and the only time they will admit that they are wrong is if it will benefit them in some way in the moment or later on. They usually have a sharp tongue and are quick to temper and react. If you are not used to arguing, you will not be able to fight with the manipulator – they can play dirty.
Game Over Manipulator
If any of these characteristics seem like they fit the player you’ve been up against, it may be time for you to just lose the game and walk away. You do not need to be in unhealthy relationship if you don’t want to. If you are not trying to help the person or feel that your life is turning to chaos as a result of this person, it may be time to end this relationship.
Nobody wins with a manipulator, whether you are the one being manipulated or if you’re the one manipulating. Most addicts and alcoholics at some stage of their addiction were manipulators. We manipulated our loved ones so that we didn’t have to get well. As each of them pulled away, we saw that we were in the game alone.
There is no simple answer on how to deal with a manipulator, especially if that manipulator is your loved one who is suffering from drugs or alcohol. If you find that you are being manipulated by a loved one in active addiction, it’s time for a change. Call The Watershed today: 1-855-581-0842.Tags: manipulation