“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.”- Henry Winkler
Don’t Assume Meditation
How many relationships, jobs, or things have we destroyed based on assumptions? When we are in early recovery, many of us dive head first into the knowledge part of the program. We are able to quote out of the literature, repeat great sayings heard at meetings, and speak the language so well that we feel we know more than others. We may even have a tendency of making assumptions on how people are working their program, and we start to tell people what we think they should do rather than kindly make suggestions. Most of us recognized as time went on that we needed to grow past this behavior. We started to see we were actually causing harm to ourselves and our fellows as a result of our assumptions.
Ever meet that person who belittles someone in a meeting or in front of others about their program? They say it in such a way that it comes out condescending? This is not being done because the person has a genuine concern for another member of recovery; this is called leading with a chin. This is not from a place of love, even if they say it is – it was based on an assumption and projected as a fact. We are not trying to be helpful here; we are trying to show others how grand we are. Don’t assume when it comes to how someone should work their program, or when it comes to what you “think” is right or wrong in their life, it may not be your place to do so.
We have to always remember that our perception of things and opinions are not always correct. We also have to remember that ultimately a Higher Power is in charge and has things under control. We do not need to control, belittle, or cause harm to others solely based on the fact that we “think” we know what we are talking about, we “think” our word is very important, we “think” we need to speak for the group, we “think” we know what’s best for others. Some lessons in recovery that may help are pretty simple: don’t assume, don’t give suggestions to those who are not asking, not all opinions need to be shared, and what others do is none of our business. We don't know what anyone's path is supposed to look like, so we should not try to direct their lives. Recovery is not just about I or me, so don’t assume. Ask yourself, “Am I separating myself from the group because of my assumptions?”
Written By: Watershed Ashling