“No" is a complete sentence.” ― Anne Lamott
Ever order take-out and when you go to pick up your order, you find yourself over-tipping? Sounds like it’s time to set boundaries! We may want to convince ourselves that we are over tipping because we “understand” that’s how they make the bulk of their money, but really, we are covering up our own insecurity. Most of us over tip, over compliment, or even put ourselves down so that others will like us. Other times we do it because we don’t want to be judged or thought of as bad people. All of it is self-centered fear and usually is as a result of feeling inadequate and not know how to have healthy boundaries. We are forced into an action based on what we feel others think about us.
Most people have walked this fine line of co-dependency, even non-addicts and alcoholics. This isn’t just a recovery related issue, this is a human condition. We are a society that not only passes judgments on others, but also on ourselves. We do it even when we don’t want to do it. Many times, we believe others are also passing judgments on us, even if they are not. We find that when we are thinking ill of others, we are convinced they are thinking the same about us. If you spot it, you got it.
When we think less about others in a negative light, less about what they are doing, less about what we want others to think we are doing, we become free to behave as ourselves. We begin to act less out of self-doubt, worry, and fear of how others perceive us as people and we start to be ourselves, flaws and all. We are comfortable in our own skin and are OK with saying “no.” We become less interested in what others will think of us or how we want them to think of us and we become more interested in being happy.
This is a process based on progress, not perfection. There will be many times that we may say “no,” and feel great about our stance. Other times, we may say “yes” when we may have really wanted to have said “no,” or we go back to the same old behavior of people pleasing. Many of us will take one step forward and two steps back. As long as we become aware of these people pleasing behaviors, the greater opportunity we have at changing these actions. When we are aware of our short comings, we are able to develop healthy boundaries between ourselves and others. We become free to be who we are.
Written By: Watershed AshlingTags: healthy boundaries, keep calm, motivational monday meditation, Recovery, Watershed Ashling