“Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” ― Deborah Reber
The enabler, the codependent, the busybody, and the control freak have one thing in common. They can not let go! Where am I at today with my program of recovery and am I enabling an addict's behavior by my own actions?
It’s easy to slip into the role of the “saver” when dealing with sick alcoholics and addicts all the time. We feel the need to rescue them from the pain we once were in. We forget that by constantly forgiving, always helping at any costs, and rescuing before the fall happens; we actually may be prolonging their entrance into a clean and sober life in recovery.
We help and help and they take and take. We feel angry, hurt, and resentful. Suddenly the drama of their life becomes our own, and we can’t differentiate the true from the false. We become victims and play that role ever so well. We then start to become sick ourselves, and realize that our motives are a twisted around our egos. We are not only wanting to help our sick and suffering friend, but we believe that we actually have the power to do so.
When Helping is Actually Hurting
We make their pain our own, their repeated relapse or failures are a direct result of our actions, or so we believe. We forget during this time that God (or Higher Power of your choosing) is in charge. We were running the show and robbing someone of their bottom. Essentially, we became God Blocks.
Remember, once in recovery, we can only help others with our experience, strength, and hope. We can not do recovery for them. They must want this as much as we do, if not more. Through mediation and speaking with our sponsors and support, we find healthy ways to help other addicts and alcoholics without causing them more harm.
How are your actions helping or harming others? What are you willing to do about it?
Written By: Watershed Ashling